Unconditional
by vitunrumakissa
Summary: 'I love you either way. As a girl or a boy. As Kielo or as Tino.' A coming of age story of sorts. human au.


High school marks the beginning of your identity crisis.

For Berwald Oxenstierna, it was his sexuality. At this point, he's started to identify as a pansexual. He was dating a beautiful, beautiful girl (Antje Jansen van der Haar), but he didn't know whether he liked her. He felt like a massive dick, but he only agreed to be her boyfriend because Kielo (Väinämöinen) pushed him into it, saying that 'Antje is my friend, if you say no, she's going to cry!' when really, Berwald knew that he liked Kielo. But Kielo was dating Espen (Skjeggestad), who, two weeks ago, said that he, no–_they_–were agender. They were nearly in tears when they came out, which was strange for them because they barely even showed any emotions.

And now Berwald was at a house party with a very, very drunk Kielo lying on his lap. Espen didn't come because they had to fly back to Norway for a great-uncle's funeral and Antje wasn't there because of 'a dinner with my parents at the De L'Europe and you know how much I love the food there, I'd rather go to dinner than get stoned at Matthijs' party!'

Kielo was going on about bunnies and how cute they were and how much she wanted Juusto Linna to turn into a bunny and suddenly shot up, look Berwald in the eyes, and said 'Espen.'

'No,' Berwald said. 'I'm not Espen. I'm Berwald.'

'Espen. I want to go to your house.'

'Okay. But no one is home at Espen's house.'

'Why are you talking in third person? You're being stupid again.'

'I'm Berwald.'

'Take me to your house right now!'

Wordlessly, Berwald stood up and picked Kielo up. Fortunately, he was not as drunk as he originally thought, but he'd have to take Kielo back to his house because he knew how pissed her dad would be if she came home drunk _again_. He waved goodbye to Matthijs, who was stoned off his ass and walked a few blocks back to his house. Kielo fell asleep in the middle of her rant about 'completely stupid, unfair, and body shaming bra styles,' right after saying 'so what if I have E cups, I want cute bras with pretty laces and pastel colours too! I don't want weird old lady bras.'

Berwald sighed when he reached his house. He fished for his keys in his pocket and unlocked the front door. He kicked his shoes off and pulled Kielo's terrifyingly high stilettos off of her feet as well. His parents were out of town and his big brother was off in the US of A for college, so he figured that he'd just dump Kielo in his room and go sleep in his bro's room.

But when he was laying in his bro's bed, counting the questionable stains on the wall, Kielo came in (in her underwear, sweet jesus he was going to die), walked to bed and lay next to Berwald.

'I don't want to be alone.'

The next morning, when Berwald woke up, he smelled burning and holy fuck, was that his smoke alarm?

Shit. Kielo. Of course.

He ran into the kitchen and saw that Kielo had burnt not one, but three pieces of bread. His jaw dropped and said 'holy fuck, Kielo.'

She looked at him sheepishly and said 'oops, sorry for wrecking your kitchen, Bird-poop!'

Berwald sighed. 'Manage to make any food?'

'Yep! I made pancakes. But damn, Berwald. What's up with your toaster? It's so weird.'

But Berwald was distracted by the little bit of jam on the sides of Kielo's lips. He swiped away the jam and leaned in to kiss her. She didn't pull back. She kissed him back, softly, oh so softly. But then she abruptly pulled away and Berwald leaned forward but she said 'stop.'

'I'm sorry. Dunno what came over me.'

Kielo looked like she wanted to cry. 'This never happened. I'm gonna get my stuff and leave.'

Berwald nodded and started to clean up.

On Monday, Kielo seemed out of it. Espen couldn't get to her. Eduard couldn't get to her. Heck, _Gilbert_ couldn't get to her. Berwald knew something was really, really wrong. Berwald pulled Kielo aside to the back buildings during their free period. She didn't even resist.

'What's going on?' Berwald said. 'Was it me yesterday?'

'My parents are getting divorced.' Kielo said, barely a whisper. 'It's been decided. I knew it was coming. I'm gonna live with my dad. He's taking the offer to take over the embassy in Pretoria. I just… I'm really upset. My mum's leaving for Finland in a week and I'm leaving after exams are over for summer school in UPenn.'

Berwald didn't say anything, but pulled Kielo into a hug. He knew she was crying, but didn't comment on it. 'Does Espen know?'

'They know about UPenn, but I haven't told said anything about the move.'

'You should tell him soon.'

'Them.'

'Fuck. You should tell them soon.'

'And school's going to end in a month. I don't want to go to Pretoria.'

'I should tell you something, too.'

Kielo's eyes widened. 'What's going on?'

'I'm breaking up with Antje.'

'Why?'

'Never really liked her.'

'What, so you just went along with the relationship for a year and a half? What the hell's wrong with you?'

'And I'm moving.'

'Does _she_ know?'

'No.'

'Where to?'

'Tokyo.'

'You shouldn't break up with her until you tell her you're leaving.'

Berwald nodded.

When Berwald told Antje that he was moving, she started crying. 'It's so soon!' she'd said. 'You've only been here for two years!'

He'd felt so guilty that he decided not to break up with her.

Before he left, Antje made sure to spend as much time as possible with him, and Berwald had to kick her out _several _times because he had 3 AP exams to study for right before his finals _and_ he had to pack his worldly possessions. He knew that Antje did not give a fuck about school, but that doesn't mean that she could bother him when he's studying.

Of course, Antje wanting to spend time with him _all the time_ made it absolutely _impossible_ for him to hang out with Kielo, who was _also _annoyed at Antje for the way she was handling things. That made it easier for Berwald to break up with her.

He'd just finished his AP European History exam and was on his way to a café to hang out with Kielo in said café. When he saw her on one of the tables outside, he waved and walked towards the table and sat in front of her. She smiled at him.

'How was the exam?' she said.

'Fine.' Berwald said. 'Pretty easy.'

'Oh? Guaranteeing yourself a 5 then?'

'Why not?'

'What a big nerd. We have the Calc exam tomorrow. And then I have the Physics one two days after that.'

'Look who's talking.'

'Hey, I didn't say I was gonna do well.'

'Fine.'

Kielo's phone kept buzzing on the table and Berwald raised an eyebrow at her. She whined, 'my dad's starting to get iffy cause he has to go to Pretoria for a week tomorrow. He's paranoid about leaving me in Espen's house. You know. Overprotective dads.'

'Mm. He's texting you a lot.'

'I'm supposed to have lunch with him at some Michelin star restaurant.'

'Then go?'

'Then we can't hang out! Ugh this is so annoying.'

'You could come over.'

'Your parents don't like me very much!'

_They don't like you cause you're always drunk when you're over_, Berwald thought. 'Mm?'

'They don't! I think they think I'm shady.'

'Really?'

'Yes really!'

'Go to lunch with your dad.'

'Fine! Kick your best friend out. Ugh. You're paying for my teacake, then.'

Kielo walked away and made a face at Berwald as she called someone on her phone. Berwald smiled at her and called the waiter over for the bill. As he was about to leave, someone sat on the chair in front of him. He frowned.

'Antje?'

She looked angry. 'Is this what you do in your spare time? See other girls behind my back? And _Kielo_, really? You know she's with Espen, right?'

'Antje.'

'How long has this been going on? Why did you drag our relationship out?'

'You're being irrational.'

'Irrational? After seeing you with another woman? Did you not appreciate the year we had?'

'Antje, shut up.'

Antje huffed.

'This isn't gonna work anymore. You're not letting me see my best friend. We're done.'

Berwald stood up and went home, glad that he finally got Antje out of his hair.

The rest of the school year flew by quickly. Berwald studied. He took his exams. He hung out with Kielo and his other friends. He got really drunk on the last day of school. He went with Espen to say goodbye to Kielo in the airport.

And then he flew to Tokyo in June.

* * *

did u miss me? probs not.

#expatproblems

i'm thinking 10-14 chapters.

espen is norway

matthijs is netherlands

antje is no one.


End file.
